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How Do You Know if You Are a Lesbian

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Sexual orientation is not binary—it exists forth a spectrum. As a result, identifying your sexual preferences and accepting your sexual orientation is oft a long, complex, and emotional journeying. Embarking on this process may feel overwhelming. Empower yourself to uncover your truthful self. Remain honest and open with yourself—trust your instincts. Mind to your body. Admit your true feelings and tendencies. Accept what y'all notice well-nigh yourself throughout the procedure.

  1. 1

    Evaluate why yous are questioning your sexual orientation. The decision to explore your sexual orientation should exist a personal choice. Question your sexuality because information technology is a process you need to complete, not because members of society are telling you that you are a lesbian. Devote fourth dimension to cocky-reflection. Keeping a periodical, private weblog, or personal video diary tin can provide outlets for cocky-exploration and discovery.

  2. 2

    Identify romantic attraction to women. Romantic allure involves seeing a woman and wanting to date her. Consider the post-obit:

    • Do you bank check out women? Do y'all observe a woman'due south smile, quirks, and features?
    • Does your center race and your tummy palpitate when you lot run across an attractive woman?
    • Are yous constantly heedless about a specific adult female?
    • Does the idea of holding hands, going out with, or kissing a woman brand you excited?

  3. 3

    Call up about whether you are sexually attracted to women. Practice you remember certain women look hot? Are you sexually aroused by women? Do y'all similar to imagine what women would look like if they were naked? Do you prefer to osculation and take sex with women? If so, you are probable sexually attracted to women.

  4. 4

    Have a sexual orientation test. If you are struggling to identify your sexual preferences, taking a sexual orientation examination may reveal new truths nigh your sexual preferences. If y'all are fairly confident in your ability to identify your sexual preferences, the exam results may confirm your self-cess. Keep in mind: online sexual orientation tests are often not official and rather unhelpful. Some may set y'all up in a hypothetical sexual situation with someone of your gender and enquire if you 'like it', but that doesn't testify annihilation. You could be lesbian and still not enjoy the sexual activity they depict. The Kinsey Scale test is probably the most reliable considering it was made by an actual psychologist.

    • Have the Kinsey Calibration exam. The Kinsey Scale assesses sexual orientation. A test was created to measure where y'all fall on the scale—from direct to gay. Yous will not be labeled straight, bisexual, or gay. The exam is composed of 13 true/simulated questions and asks very piffling demographic information.[1]
    • Take the Epstein Sexual Orientation Inventory (ESOI) exam. Created by Robert Epstein, one of America'southward most distinguished psychologists, the ESOI test evaluates an individual's sexual orientation. Instead of labeling your sexual orientation, the test results reveal you where you fall on a sexual orientation continuum. This 18 question exam just requires 5 minutes of your fourth dimension.[2]

  1. one

    Acknowledge that your sexual preferences exist. It is natural to avert or overcompensate for your sexual desires—it is normal to experience scared and overwhelmed! In society to move forward, you must be vulnerable and honest with yourself. In one case you stop suppressing your sexual preferences and offset acknowledging that they be, you can work towards self-acceptance.

    • Sexual preference exists forth a continuum. It is fluid, non static. Your sexual preference may not align with the standard definitions and that is more than than O.Yard. Information technology is extremely common and normal.
      • Bisexuals may not be as attracted to members of both sexes. They may prefer men to women or women to men.
      • Women who identify as lesbians may occasionally notice men bonny.

  2. ii

    Love yourself. On the journey towards cocky-credence, acknowledging that you are a lesbian is the first footstep in a gradual process. Acceptance often does non occur overnight. As you lot get more comfy with your sexual orientation, you will recognize that it does non define you as an individual. Strive to live your life unapologetically—rid yourself of guilt and shame.

  3. 3

    Practice positive self-talk. If yous were raised in a highly bourgeois household or brought up in an intolerant community, your sexual identity may conflict with the morals or religious beliefs instilled in yous as a child. Intentionally altering your language and thoughts are highly constructive methods of shifting your perception of right and incorrect. Stop telling yourself that you are unworthy of beloved and happiness and starting time believing in your value as a human being beingness. Instead of telling yourself that being lesbian is a sin, acknowledge that your sexual preference is natural, salubrious, and adequate.

    • Start identifying any negative self-talk tendencies. What harmful lies are you telling yourself? Do these thoughts arise due to specific situations, like a chat with a family fellow member?
    • Replace these negative phrases with personally crafted, positive mantras. When you grab yourself saying, "I am not worthy" or "I don't deserve happiness," have a deep breath, put a smile on your confront and tell yourself that you are "valuable, loved, and entitled to lead an authentic life that makes y'all happy!"

  4. four

    Determine if it is safe to come up out. Deciding when to come out is often an emotionally agonizing decision with potential consequences. Before coming out to your family, friends, and classmates, decide if it is safe to do so.[iii] [four]

    • Remember—you are not obligated to come out to anyone! Your identity and preferences are valid no matter who knows about them.[5]
    • Come across with a pediatrician or counselor to conjecture almost how your parents and peers may react. Consider how your parents and peers talk over and treat gay men and women. Think about how they react to difficult news.[6]
      • If your parents or peers are openly hostile towards gay men and women, be cautious and selective.[7]

  5. 5

    Recognize that your journeying of self-acceptance will impact others. While discovering and accepting your sexual orientation is an extremely personal journey, it is necessary to accept that it will impact your relationship with others. Coming out to friends, family members, and colleagues is stress-inducing! It is not necessary to come out to everyone you lot know or meet. When you experience comfortable and confident, breach the discipline with those you feel comfortable with first. Be prepared for negative responses and value positive reactions.

  6. 6

    Meet with a counselor. Processing your sexual identity and accepting yourself is a long, complex process. Coping with the social stigma is mentally and emotionally draining. Coming together with a qualified therapist—a professional experienced in counseling members of the LGBTQ customs—can aid you navigate this procedure. A therapist can help you accept your sexual orientation and assist you through the process of coming out to your family and peers.

  1. 1

    Define yourself and live your life. Although guild portrays a stereotypical lesbian, the lesbian community is fabricated upward of diverse women from a multitude of backgrounds. As you explore and experience the lesbian customs, make an endeavour to learn anything and everything in that location is to know most your new community. Over time, you lot will discover where you fit in the community. Y'all will personally define what information technology ways to be a lesbian and live your life accordingly.

  2. two

    Brainwash yourself about the LGBTQ community. Establishing a foundation of knowledge about the LGBTQ community—its past, present, and futurity—volition enlighten y'all. Information technology will make you aware of potential obstacles and provide y'all with insight into how to overcome the barriers.

    • Acquire how to distinguish betwixt sexual activity, gender; sexual orientation, and familiarize yourself with the spectrum of sexual orientation.
    • Read academic literature—scholarship on LGBTQ topics is burgeoning!
    • Stay up-to-date on LGBTQ bug covered in news.

  3. 3

    Surround yourself with supportive people. At that place is no worse pain than that of isolation. Throughout your journey of cocky-acceptance, it is essential to have a reliable friend or a receptive support group. These people volition provide you with advice and condolement when the journeying gets difficult.[8]

    • Confide in friends and family members you tin can trust.
    • Bring together a local support grouping or go a fellow member of an online back up community.[9]
    • Attention a LGBTQIA-affirming church, temple, or business firm of worship will identify you in contact with supportive men and women that share your religious values.
      • gaychurch.org provides a listing of LGBTQI-affirming Christian churches.
      • A quick internet search will provide yous with a list of LGBTQI-affirming churches, temples, or houses of worship in your area.

  4. 4

    Establish a Gay-Straight Alliance. Gay-Straight Alliances (GSA) provide loftier schoolers and eye schoolers with a safe identify to discuss and discover their sexual orientation and identity. GSAs provide teens with a support grouping and a social network. If your school does non accept a GSA, work with school administrators to establish a club.

  5. 5

    Locate and use a LGBTQ Resources Center. LGBTQ Resource Centers are found in cities and on higher campuses. Resource centers connect students with helpful tools and trustworthy services. They provide LGBTQ students with a condom, inclusive place to explore their sexual orientation and identity.

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  • If your sexual and romantic allure don't marshal, it'southward okay. There are asexual lesbians and aromantic lesbians.

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Article Summary X

Figuring out if you lot're a lesbian tin can be a long and difficult journey, but a expert place to first is by considering whether you experience romantic attraction or sexual arousal toward women. For case, if you check women out, daydream nigh a detail woman, or experience your eye race whenever you come across an bonny woman, and then you lot may be a lesbian. You could besides take a sexual orientation test, like the Kinsey Calibration test, which uses 13 true or false questions to place you on a scale from straight to gay. However, take these results with a grain of table salt, since your sexual preferences could change over time and that's perfectly okay. As long as you lot honey and have yourself, you can alive an accurate life full of self-discoveries. For more advice from our co-writer, including how to determine if you are prophylactic to come out equally a lesbian, read on.

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